The most interesting part of watching the documentary was how I was reliving that day in my mind.  I remember the day with exacting detail.  I was a sophomore in college and remember getting dressed in my dorm room for my 9am class.  I had the TV on in the background, an abnormality, and remember the first plane hitting the towers.  I remember watching the second plane hit the towers in the student center and suddenly the importance of class was mitigated.  I remember sitting with friends talking about the possibility of war and how that would forever be a mark of our generation of Americans.  While everyone was anxious about what was going to happen in this brave new world, there was an unparallelled sense of unity amongst Americans in the ensuing days, weeks, and month.

10 years have passed and there are many recollections you we can share.  For me, it all pales in comparison to the living sacrifice of our military and their families.  Wars that claim the lives of people you grew up with, shared elementary playgrounds, and played youth sports are personalized.  You always remember the people.  Here is my forever gratefulness and thanks to the men, women, and families of the US military.  Signed, Matt Cario.

Much of the feedback I’ve seen comes from two perspectives: “Rob Bell can do no wrong” and “Rob Bell is straying from God’s Word”.

While I think these arguments are good, fine, and to a certain degree necessary, I don’t think they have much to do with Rob Bell the person at all.  This is a battle for the image of Rob Bell, the one that 99% of us know.  Beyond Nooma videos and weekly podcast, the majority of people know very little about Rob Bell.  The only things I know of Rob Bell are produced sound bytes that have had hours of meticulous preparation dedicated to the the end product that is released to the masses.

Quite frankly, the Rob Bell the person has no direct impact on the church and Christianity outside of the congregation he pastors and the people he has relationships with.  He might be the most admirable or loathsome person on the planet and it really doesn’t matter to any of us who only know of him.  What matters then to us is his image.

Images are a particular challenge to manage and navigate as the context of communication is determined by the reader or listener.  Without the control over context, the person (or persons) projecting the image have no control of the contextual setting where their message will be viewed.  In other words, the communication we receive from an image has no boundaries for interpretation.

While Rob Bell incarnate has no impact on my ministry, his image does.  People in my congregation read his books, listen to his podcasts, and rave about the artistry of his videos.  His image, for lack of a more sophisticated word,  is “cool”.  There’s not a “cooler” conference than Catalyst and at least 60% of the men there have shaved heads and “Rob Bell glasses”…speaking of which, he should get a kickback for each of lookalike that enters to arena (I’ll also accept a fee for the idea ).

Considering the nature of his image (according to my perception, of course) is more closely related to popular culture rather than biblical soundness, the release of his upcoming book is a plunge into new territory.  There’s nothing “cool” about biblical foundations and doctrinal convictions no matter how crucial, significant, and elemental they are to the Gospel.

While an image is able to reach more people, it lacks to ability to interact, to respond to questions, and address specific life situations.  An image can be far-reaching, but it lacks the transformational power that is only possible through the act of presence.  Because of it’s nature, the image of Rob Bell is far less impactful than it seems and your presence is far more impactful.

Here’s some thoughts to consider as the fodder and debates grow in the future…

- Rob Bell’s image is being reshaped with this book…realize there are people that will perpetuate this reshaping because it benefits their likeness.

- There are people you think care about this as much as you do…most of them have no part or personal influence on your leadership team or congregation.

- None of this internet crap matters to the average Christian at your church who picks up this book to read…they will form their own opinion based on the doctrine they have been taught in your congregation.

- Determine if a divisive spirit is driving your feelings and thoughts on this matter…regardless of your viewpoint, it will cause further division to the already fragmented church.

- Even though this is a big deal amongst church workers, it will have minimal impact outside of the profession.

- Before you type, dialogue, or hit record, make sure the law and gospel is boldly proclaimed through and through.

- Understand that next year there will be a new controversial book or figure.

- Know that next year you will have one fewer year of time on this earth to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

- Tend to the harvest work the Lord has given to you.

- Remember that all Christians are constantly maturing and growing in their faith…there are different messages and teachings that you needed at a specific time that promoted growth…don’t underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome.

A note about the author to guide your contextual perception

I am indifferent to Rob Bell, as I am with the majority of Christian writers, speakers, and pastors who garner headlines, write books, and put butts in the seats at ministry conferences around the world.  I know exactly zero of them personally and know of far less of this group of people than your average minister in their late twenties.  I don’t read ministry books ad nauseum as I am a recovering graduate student and have been overloaded with books in recent years.  I’m an unknown minister without fans and followers I’ve never met and who represents no one other than myself.  All I care about is my family and sharing the God I love with everyone I meet and where I find myself.

So what do you say to these exclamations?

It seems to be a default response to yell “Jesus loves you” or “Jesus cares” before you can even process the rants you just ingested.  This must be a Pavlovian response that ministers/pastors are conditioned with in Bible college.  I’m not sure that response has ever moved me deeply when I’m down, but maybe I’m predisposed to believe it has greater power when I say it because the Holy Spirit should work more effectively and often through ministers.  Perhaps the fact that I get to speak on weekly basis to a captive audience is too much for whatever balances my ego.  When framed that way maybe it’s easier to understand why so many sermons are more history lesson than a testimony to the Gospel…it’s easier to talk about the Bible and theology than it is about what God is doing in your life.

Jesus was an interesting guy.  We refer to the “true God” side of Jesus often and it’s understandable because it shows that Jesus is different than us.  The “true God” truths, like “Jesus loves you”, “God has a plan”, and “God makes good out of bad situations”, are true and we know it because it is easy for us to see that when we reflect on our days and years.  While true, they rarely do anything to make me feel like Jesus actually cares or understands about the moment I’m living.  The “true God” Jesus I revere as the Almighty and God in the flesh (an amazing phrase in itself).

For me, I’m more intrigued by the “true man” of Jesus.  This is the Jesus with who I more easily relate.  And that makes sense since I’m much more acclimated to humanity than divinity.  I find comfort in knowing that Jesus didn’t look over Jerusalem in Matthew 9 and yell in a Rocky-escque manner “Jesus loves you” (in the third-person, of course) followed by someone yelling back “shut up!” (a la Coming to America).  All it says is that he had compassion on the people.

When I’m down I don’t need (or want for that matter) someone telling me to “step it up” or reminding me I’m loved.  When people are down, encouragement isn’t helpful…in fact, it’s infuriating.  They need encouragement to continue when they are doing well.  When they are down, they need someone to come alongside them and lift them up.  Compassion is a healing experience for the downtrodden.

Encourage those who are running.  Have compassion on those sitting alone.

Over the past 4 or 5 months I find myself waking up in the middle of the night every 10 days thinking worrying about ministry.  There is no consistent issue that causes my eyes to open while the rest of our neighborhood is still.  It ranges from refining a lesson, to worrying about having enough adult leaders and if those adult leaders will connect with students of just talk to each other to wondering why a student hasn’t been to youth for a few weeks.

It doesn’t stop.  In effort to alleviate the stress and boredom from tossing and turning for the past hour, I come downstairs and work for an hour or however long it takes to get done what I think needs getting done.  Usually they aren’t necessary tasks, just above and beyond stuff to try to perform better at my job.

Amidst the 3:34 AM emails and Facebook messages, there is a solemn sort of peace that is subtle rather than blatant in knowing that my house and the world around me is quiet.  There’s no cars on the streets.  No dimly lit kitchen lights.  The world is at rest.  But this peace doesn’t come from being alone with God.  It comes from knowing that I’m catching up, getting ahead and “getting stuff done” while others rest.

There is always stress in ministry.  There has been from the moment that it began 6 years.  But this is the first time it’s compromised my sleep.  I’m a sound sleeper.  I sleep through everything.  And I have to with a 6 month old.

The Bible has plenty to say about worrying.  No one can add a minute to their life by worrying.  Let tomorrow worry about its own things.  Cast all your anxieties on Jesus because he cares.

I know these truths.  I teach and share them on a regular basis.  I trust that Jesus cares more about the people who are part of our ministry more than I do.

So why am I worrying and losing sleep?

Grace.

I don’t just have a difficult time giving myself grace.  I’m flat out abysmal at allowing myself grace.  Even when others offer grace, I rarely accept it fully (unless I have no other choice).  If something goes wrong, I’m looking for the way to prevent it from happening again.  If a student stops showing up, I’ll spend hours reliving my interactions with that student to discover the reason for that student’s absence…even though I cognitively know nearly every decisions students make is most influenced by their peers.

In some ways, I like to think this phenomenon is indicative of an elevated personal accountability.  Realistically, it has more to do with longing to be in control.  Being in control means I not only have an answer to questions, but I have plan prepared in anticipation of such questions being asked.  It means that I have something to show for when challenged about what a youth minister really does, because no one really knows (not even most youth ministers know where their time is spent).

The thing about grace is that I have little trouble extending it to others.

Is personal grace something that other people struggle with?

Are there areas of your life that you deny yourself grace?

Maybe this is part of God’s infinite design.  Maybe this is why he wants us to be in community with other.  Maybe he understands that we need each other to experience the daily grace that we are too unwilling to give ourselves.

Know this moment, that I have grace on you.  You can let it go.  You are a new creation.  Go and sin no more.  And when you do, come back and I’ll share that grace with you again.

However, after three years of reading and consuming I found myself frustrated with the church I was currently serving and rather depressed about the future of the Church.  I knew vastly more about what was going on in other churches around the country than I knew about the church I was serving. I looked at my own church and couldn’t help but think that we were hopeless and ill-equipped, lacking the passion for the Gospel to truly make an impact in the world that had left us behind.  I was frustrated that my pastors weren’t dynamic in their leadership and expert teachers in their messages.  In all honesty, I was a discouraging influence wasting the space my office occupied.  I was a pain in the butt for my pastors, parents, students, and probably my wife (although she’s too kind to admit it).  I wasn’t a minister.  I was a self-righteous and self-proclaimed expert in everything wrong with my church.

I decided that something needed to change for the sake of my calling.  After examining all the influences in my life I came to the conclusion that I needed to take a ministry literature sabbatical.  I stopped reading the books, perusing the blogs, and listening to the podcasts.

It’s been three years since I have read a ministry book and I’m more in love with my calling than I have ever been before in my professional career.  I don’t know what’s happening at Mars Hill, Saddleback, or the ministries of any speaker on the ministry conference tour circuit and quite frankly, I’m happy about it.  In the meantime, I have learned more about my own church and the people within it.  I know their families and personalities and love them for who they are rather than judging them for who they aren’t.  Rather than complaining about my own ministry team and what they lack, I’m more concerned with the challenges that we face and how we can work together to overcome them as we share the Gospel with the people of our community.  Rather than asking God “why does our church suck so much” I’m exploring why God has actually placed me in my congregation and actually doing something that matters to the people who claim me as their youth minister.

Now that a few years have passed, I’ve begun looking back and have tried to understand what led to my dismal attitude…

• “I stopped growing spiritually and didn’t realize it”. I replaced my daily reading of Scripture with literature from people who knew nothing about me but presumed to know everything about my ministry.  The Bible is filled with hope and encouragement.  Unfortunately, it appears that too many of the authors I was reading were more concerned with expressing their frustrations with the Church than hope and trust in Christ.
• “I was arrogant”. I presumed to know more than anyone else I worked with because I was attending the “best” conferences, reading the latest books, and listening to the podcasts from the cutting-edge churches.  I couldn’t tell you much about the lives of the people in my congregation, but I could certainly proclaim what their lives should be like.  Jesus teaches repeatedly about the dangers pride can do to a soul and mind, but I was convinced he wasn’t talking about me because after all, I was “right”!  Being “right” became more important to me than sharing the grace of Christ because I knew that people would come around when they figured out that the truth is all that counts no matter how it’s communicated.
• “I was a sponge rather than a strainer”. I read and listened to all this stuff and immediately labeled it as truth.  I wasn’t noble like the Bereans and didn’t examine the biblical integrity of those messages (Acts 17:11).  I didn’t care to be critical consumer because the reality was that I simply wanted to be agreed with and have my personal feelings justified.

I suppose you could say that I’m wiser now than I was in my early twenties, but a more accurate viewpoint is that I’ve failed and been humbled.  I’m not saying that the ministry literature available today is useless, but I think that the young church workers that they are primarily marketed towards need to understand the psychological power of the written and spoken word.  It’s no wonder than so many people leave churchwork frustrated and dismayed each year with so many resources pointing out what is wrong with their ministry.

Are resources useful?  Yes.  Do they help us minister more effectively?  Certainly.  Are they a substitute for a foundation firmly rooted in the Scriptures?  Not even close.  Keep pushing on in your ministry.  Don’t be discouraged.  Always be about sharing the saving grace of Jesus in love and humility no matter how God leads you to do so.

• The Leadership Challenge – Everyone who leads anyone or aspires to lead should read this.  It’s easy to understand, straightforward, and I was disappointed I didn’t read it sooner in my life.
• Servant Leadership – Greenleaf has a vision for leadership unlike anyone else.  You read his words and feel like a mentor is sharing the all the truths to what leadership is and what it could ever be.  Simply put, he’s “the Don”.
• The Servant Leader Within – Another Greenleaf book.  More greatness.
• Transforming Leadership – Some may prefer his initial masterpiece, Leadership, but it reads more like a textbook than a decree with a clear purpose.  Burns has such a rich understanding of transformation and what makes it organizational feasible and he exemplifies it within the context of the greatest leaders in history.
• A Hidden Wholeness – If you haven’t read anything by Palmer, you’re missing out.  His view of leadership as a journey into the soul is inspiring and imaginative.  While some others give you strategies to use, Palmer makes you belief you can do so successfully.
• Leadership in Organizations – Okay, if you need one textbook for leadership, Yukl is the only way to go.  Yes, I know it costs over a $100.  But if you need researched-based facts and theory, this is as good as it gets.  For a bit of reference, I got this book in my first course and referenced it in at least one paper in every class I took thereafter.
• No Future Without Forgiveness – This one isn’t about skills or theories at all.  It is about the full capacity and extent of the human heart.  Not only is forgiveness a requirement for leaders in our broken world, but Tutu has lived this message and shares incredible stories from apartheid in South Africa.
• The Congruent Life – Leaders are better with a balanced life.  Thompson writes the way I wish I could with his ethereal descriptions of his thoughts and observations.  Embrace the spiritual aspect of leadership.
• The Rule of St. Benedict – Seriously.  There is a ton of leadership principles, both spiritual and administrative, that can be gained by reading and contemplating the classic piece of Christian literature.
• Cultural Intelligence – If you work with or desire to work with other cultures, this is a must-read.  The language isn’t exhaustive and Peterson has a very practical methods to help you develop your cultural IQ whether you’re an international aficionado or have never lived outside of Central Kentucky.

For me, a moderately interested sports fan, to watch the NBA, there needs to be either a) superstars who really are super succeed or b) smart, creative, and imaginative team play.  We know LeBron is a great self-marketer, but after 7 years in the league and no rings for the proclaimed savior of the NBA, he’s closer to Kournikova than Jordan.  While LeBron is the great hope, the only true superstar today is Kobe.  If I need one basket with the players in the league today, it’s Kobe.

While Jordan was the greatest thing that ever happened to the NBA, he’s arguably also the worst thing that has happened in the last 15 years.  He was so good, that he inspired every kid born from the mid-70′s to the late 80′s that they too could take over any game at any time.  Jordan made the NBA on NBC “the” Sunday afternoon viewing option of choice and it brought the game to a level of play that we will likely not see again.  Although Jordan was the alpha-dog, he wasn’t alone in the 80′s and 90′s.  With a supporting cast of Magic, Bird, Dream, Robinson, Malone, Stockton, Barkley, Miller, Thomas, and Shaq amongst others, the NBA was king because it was always good.  I’d take that group over any combination of the best players of today.

However, on the second point of creativity, there is one old school guy running the court today.  Steve Nash.  The guy is great.  Imagine if he had the chance to play during the 90′s with a big man better than Amare.  He may be playing in the modern NBA, but that cat is a different type of player we only saw in the past.  I watch the Suns whenever I get a chance to see what he’ll do next.

I’m committed to watching the rest of the playoffs.  Hope something great happens.  I need something to occupy my time till football season begins.

Gosh, she gets cuter every day.

I originally started this blog as a hobby, but more strategically as a writing experiment to get myself back in the habit of writing larges amounts of grad school worthy content.  Now that it’s over, I think I’m going to continue.

So much has changed in the eworld since the last blogged consistently around 2 years ago.  Facebook went mainstream.  Twitter has somehow convinced me that my partial thoughts are worth sharing with people…and apparently there are people who agree.  I’m contemplating taking a bigger jump into the techno rabbit hole with a smartphone (still can’t decide between iphone and droid).

Besides the tech stuff, I’ve lost touch with my friends from college who I pretty much only contact via blog, Facebook, or Twitter.  It sounds like a rather callous relationship when stated that way, but that’s really what it amounts to and for the most part we are all satisfied with that.

I have to give a bottle to Natalia…more about her later.

While that has been great, it is quite another experience to know that in about 24 hours your wife will be induced to have a baby.  It’s just a different anticipation.  While before you could only wonder, now we know exactly when and where this amazing event is going to happen.  So today really is our last day as a couple with no children here on this earth.

I spoke with a man last night on my way home that had mentored me through my childhood.  His kids are not within a few years of leaving the house and he had some simple advice.  “This is going to be one of the best weeks of your life…resist the temptation to work and just enjoy it!”.  Those are some powerful words from a man who works as hard as anyone I know.  So I think I am going to do that.  I’ve prepared well with work so that the next couple weeks can happen even if I don’t show my face once.  So this is my commitment to my wife and family.  I will not go to the office once this week.  If you see me there, make me leave.

I’m ready for one of the best weeks of our lives!